


not like this.

by vicbartons



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Drinking, M/M, post-breakup fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 06:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12359730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicbartons/pseuds/vicbartons
Summary: relationships rarely end the way you expected them to, but they always end somehow.





	not like this.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr prompt: "you've been drinking tonight, haven't you?"

_“You´ve been drinking tonight, haven´t you?“_

“Ya think?“ Aaron was sitting on the stairs of the cricket pavillion, his head slumped against the railing and a bottle of vodka balancing between his knees. His words slurred, his tongue heavy from liquor.

Robert felt the need to go over and pull him into a hug, but that was the Robert and Aaron of 6 months ago. Now, all he could do was stop and stare, unsure of what to say. 

He had left the hospital almost three hours ago and just spend the time since navigating his Porsche through the narrow roads of the countryside without a destination in mind, feeling the need to just drive. Drive and clear his mind, nothing but the humming of the motor to distract him. But it was mid-November now and much too soon the sun had set and Robert´s eyelids had grown heavier and heavier in the dark as the exhaustion of the day had finally caught up with him.

Still, he hadn´t had it in him to face anyone. Certainly not an overly excited Vic. Not just yet.    


So once he´d made it back to Emmerdale, he´d come to the pavillion, looking for some peace and quiet. Suffice it to say that a wasted Aaron wasn´t what he´d expected to find there.  


“My husb-“ Aaron stopped himself, his voice cracking, “my ex-husband just had a son and it´s not with me,“ Robert swallowed hard. He didn´t have to ask how Aaron knew. Gossip had a way of travelling through their godforsaken village like wildfire. “Felt like that called for a few pints.“  


Robert had held him. Oliver.  


That´s what Rebecca had called him. She had asked for Robert´s input on the topic, but as with everything else regarding her pregnancy, he had only been able to feign excitement, nothing but a fake smile on his face when he´d told her he´d leave that decision to her, because she had better taste. Giving the child a name would have made things feel too real and “real“ was everything that Robert had been running from since that night back in March.  


But then he had gotten that call in the early morning, interrupting him right as he was about to take the first sip of his Americano, a screaming Rebecca on the other end of the line telling him that her water had just broken and she´d meet him at the hospital. And then Oliver was here, alive, real and tangible, and Robert couldn´t run anymore. So he´d held him.  


He´d held his son in his arms, all big blue eyes and wisps of blond hair and he had hoped that everything would slot into place right then and there. That it wouldn´t matter anymore who his mother was. That the circumstances under which he had been conceived wouldn´t matter anymore. He had held him, the baby´s tiny hand wrapping tightly around his thumb with more strength than he´d thought possible for such a small frame, and he had hoped to god that his fatherly instincts would kick in.  


Only they hadn´t and instead of the all-encompassing love a new father was supposed to feel when holding his newborn for the first time, all Robert had been left with as he had looked down at this child, his son, were dread and fear mixed with the ever-present self-hatred that Robert had grown far too accustomed to over the course of his life, but especially these past few months.  


And that was exactly what he felt now, looking at Aaron, drunk and with tear tracks faded on his cheeks, knowing full-well that this was all down to him. That he was the one who´d done this to Aaron. Again. Ruined them. Again.  


„Just a few pints?“ Robert asked, his voice laced with worry as his eyes fell on the half-empty vodka bottle.  


Aaron took another swig at that, almost in defiance “Like you get to judge how I cope with all this,“ he mumbled.

“I´m not, Aaron,” Robert objected, ” I wouldn´t. I´m just…“ For the first time since Robert had arrived, Aaron raised his head and properly looked at him, anger clear in his eyes. ”Oh stick it, will ya!“

Robert couldn´t blame him for the outburst. Aaron wasn´t his to worry about anymore. Hadn´t been for a long while. ~~Not that that would ever stop him.~~

"You want me to leave?“ Robert questioned, his voice low.  


"I should want that,“ Aaron muttered, but his head was shaking slightly as he answered him. He looked at his ex-husband then, gave himself a minute to really take Robert in and he couldn´t help but notice just how _wrong_ he looked. Dark circles under his eyes, his hair sticking flat against his forehead and his usually so prestine blue dress shirt wrinkled and untucked. Aaron knew that he should send him running, but he couldn´t, not like this. Not when he looked as miserable and broken as Aaron felt. So instead, he moved over, making some room next to him on the steps.    


”How did we end up here?” Aaron almost whispered when Robert had sat down next to him. “This isn´t how we were supposed to end.“ Aaron didn´t get an answer. All Robert did was move a little closer so their knees touched.   


It´s not like there was anything he could say. 

Aaron was right. This wasn´t how they were supposed to end.

They weren´t supposed to end at all. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [@vicbartons](https://www.vicbartons.tumblr.com)


End file.
